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Second Sleigh, The
Musical Theater (2013), from The Second Sleigh
This recording:

From the original cast recording.

Santa: Mike Mann
Belle: Renae Lewis
Tinkle: Phil Skretvedt
Piano: Rick Prescott
(The music comes down to a single persistent note.

BELLE (head elf in the workshop), SANTA, and all the other ELVES are gathered at center stage, as if around a conference table. TINKLE (elf, temporary worker, clutz) hovers in the background, wanting to be involved, but not invited)

SANTA
So let me get this straight. The sleigh is not big enough for all the toys.

BELLE
Well, technically, the toys are too big for the sleigh.

SANTA
But how can that be?

BELLE
Simple math. Lots more children. Bigger toys.

SANTA
But we've never had this happen before.

BELLE
Santa, we all knew this day would come. There are more children than ever, they are behaving better and better, and the toys just keep getting bigger and bigger.

SANTA
Hmm. That is quite a problem. So, what's the solution?

(The music stops)

BELLE
No, no. Don't think of it as a PROBLEM. Think of it as an OPPORTUNITY.

SANTA
(Pointedly)
I don't see how that helps. WHAT do we DO?

BELLE
THAT'S why I've called this meeting.
(Music restarts)
You're all here to help figure out what to do. Brainstorming 101. No idea is too crazy. And no one will criticize anything you suggest. There are just a few things to keep in mind.

(HOLLY turns over a page on the easel, revealing a schematic of the current sleigh.)

BELLE (continued)
(Singing)
NOW THE
FIRST THING IS TO MAKE SURE THAT THE
AIRFLOW DOESN'T GET DISRUPTED
OTHERWISE DELIVERY OF
PRESENTS WILL BE INTERRUPTED
NEXT IS TO MAKE SURE ACCESSI-
BILITY IS OPTIMAL
OR THE WHOLE ENDEAVOR MAY WIND
UP AS SOMETHING COMICAL

SO FAR, SO GOOD?
SO FAR, SO GOOD?
SO FAR, SO GOOD?

ALL
SO FAR, SO GOOD!
SO FAR, SO GOOD!
SO FAR, SO GOOD!

BELLE
OK, who's got the first idea?

(ALL squirm. Some start to speak then stop. Eventually, the music stops)

Alright, I'll go first.

(We see a large and intricate drawing of her scheme #1: Some sort of topper/expander which makes the sleigh look like an overgrown Airstream trailer with both reindeer and a jet engine attached. There is an indication that reindeer eat carrots, and the jet engine requires diesel fuel)

NOW MY
FIRST IDEA IS TO SIMPLY
ADD TO WHAT WE HAVE RIGHT NOW
BUILD A STREAMLINED TOPPER HIGH AS
REGULATIONS WILL ALLOW
AS FOR ALL THE EXTRA WEIGHT, WE'LL
LIKELY NEED TO ADD A TURBINE
WHICH MAKES COMPLICATIONS IF THE
DIFFERENT FUELS SHOULD INTERTWINE
(Speaking)
Carrots...and diesel. No?
(The ELVES sit stone-faced)
THAT ONE'S NO GOOD
THAT ONE'S NO GOOD
THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

ALL
THAT ONE'S NO GOOD
THAT ONE'S NO GOOD
THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

(TINKLE emerges from the background)

TINKLE
WHY NOT TAKE A SECOND SLEIGH?

SANTA
(Speaking)
What's that now?

TINKLE
(Singing)
WHY NOT TAKE A SECOND SLEIGH?

BELLE
WHO LET HIM IN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THERE'S NO SUCH THING

I'VE BEEN AROUND
FOR MANY YEARS
THERE'S NO SUCH THING

TINKLE
(Speaking)
Hey, I thought you said no idea was too crazy, that anyone could say--

BELLE
(Interrupting)
I may have overstated that a bit. Now, who else has something?

(The ELVES all look at one another. TINKLE slinks down a bit)

OK, then, I've got another.

(HOLLY flips over another page on the easel, revealing her scheme #2: Something like the Mars explorer sky crane, dropping batches of presents by parachute from a space platform to predetermined locations for later pick-up by the team.)

BELLE (continued)
(Singing)
WELL I
GOT TO THINKING HOW A ROVER
PARACHUTED ONTO MARS
WE COULD BUILD A STAGING PLATFORM
HOVERING AMONG THE STARS
THIS REQUIRES ROCKETS MADE WITH
HIGH PRECISION MEASUREMENTS
AND WE'LL NEED PERMISSION FROM A
HALF A DOZEN GOVERNMENTS

(BELLE pauses for reaction. ALL are somewhat skeptical, but afraid to be too critical)

TINKLE
WHY NOT TAKE A SECOND SLEIGH?

SANTA
I'M INTRIGUED BY WHAT YOU SAY

TINKLE
I JUST SAW ONE ON MY WAY
BURIED OUT IN THE SNOW
QUITE A BEAUTY I MUST SAY
THOUGH IT'S RUSTY I KNOW

BELLE
OH, THAT OLD THING
IT WOULDN'T WORK
LET'S MOVE ALONG

THANKS FOR THE THOUGHT
BUT LET'S GET REAL
WE'RE MOVING ON

HOLLY
(Aside, to TINKLE)
That's Santa's OLD sleigh. It was decommissioned years ago. It's not even air-worthy anymore.

SANTA
Now, wait a minute.
(Singing)
I REMEMBER THAT OLD SLEIGH
IT'S BEEN FORTY-NINE YEARS
POLISHED BRASS AND VELVET FITTINGS
GIANT FINS ON THE REAR
JINGLE BELLS WITH THE TONE OF ANGELS
HEATED MATS ON THE FLOOR
I WOULD SAY THEY SURE DON'T MAKE THEM
QUITE LIKE THAT ANYMORE

(SANTA is lost in his memories, and does not acknowledge the following exchange)

BELLE
IT'S FULL OF RUST
IT'S BEEN RETIRED
IT DOESN'T FLY

LET'S NOT DISCUSS
OR GET ALL MIRED
IN DAYS GONE BY

TINKLE
But, Belle, I could--

BELLE
NOT. AN. OPTION. Give someone else a chance. Anyone? No? OK, I've got more.

(HOLLY turns another page on the easel to reveal her scheme #3: Bending the laws of physics.

BELLE (continued)
(Singing)
NOW WE
TEND TO THINK THE LAWS OF PHYSICS
MUST BE FOLLOWED EVERY MINUTE
BUT WITH SOME IMAGINATION
THERE ARE OPTIONS FOUND WITHIN IT
TRAVELING IN TIME OR MAYBE
HARNESSING SOME ANTIMATTER
MIGHT JUST MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO
MAKE THE TASK GO SO MUCH FASTER
(Stunned silence)
No? I've got plenty more ideas.

(HOLLY starts to turn another page on the easel)

ALL
No!

SANTA
Belle, I think we need to listen to this young elf.

BELLE
You mean, take the old sleigh? It's impossible.

SANTA
Nothing's impossible when it comes to Christmas.

BELLE
But there are just too many problems we'd have to solve.

SANTA
Don't think of them as PROBLEMS. Think of them as OPPORTUNITIES.

BELLE
(Coolly, as if outmaneuvered)
Touche', Santa. But before you try something so crazy and untested, there are a few things you should consider.

BELLE and TINKLE and SANTA
(singing simultaneously)

[ BELLE
[ WELL, WE'D
[ NEED TO THINK OF
[ ALL THE THINGS THAT
[ HAVE TO BE BROUGHT
[ UP TO CODE
[ STRUCTURALLY
[ BEEF IT UP SO
[ IT CAN TAKE A
[ MODERN LOAD
[
[ TINKLE
[ WHY NOT TAKE
[ THE SECOND SLEIGH
[
[ SANTA
[ BOY I SURE DID
[ LOVE THAT SLEIGH
[ IT HAD BEEN
[ CUSTOM BUILT

[ BELLE
[ DON'T FORGET THAT
[ SOMEONE HAS TO
[ PULL IT THROUGH
[ THE ATMOSPHERE
[ WHERE DO YOU THINK
[ WE CAN FIND A-
[ NOTHER SET OF
[ FLYING DEER
[
[ TINKLE
[ I COULD GET
[ A START TODAY
[
[ SANTA
[ MAHOGANY AND
[ PEARL INLAY
[ SHE WAS DRESSED
[ TO THE HILT

[ BELLE
[ WHAT ABOUT THE
[ RUST? WE'LL HAVE TO
[ SCRAPE AND POLISH
[ IT FOR WEEKS
[ NOW DISCARDED
[ ALL THESE YEARS THE
[ ROTTED FABRIC
[ SURELY REEKS
[
[ TINKLE
[ LET ME FIX
[ IT UP JUST RIGHT
[
[ SANTA
[ AND THE FLYING
[ WAS A CINCH
[ ONCE I BUILT
[ UP MY SKILL

[ BELLE
[ EVEN IF WE
[ GOT IT WORKING
[ CAN IT REALLY
[ DO THE TASK
[ SINCE YOU THINK IT
[ MIGHT BE WORTH IT
[ I JUST HAVE TO
[ ASK
[
[ TINKLE
[ FOR THAT VERY
[ SPECIAL NIGHT
[
[ SANTA
[ IF NOT FOR THAT
[ RUSTY HITCH
[ I'D BE FLYING
[ IT STILL

BELLE
SO ARE YOU SURE?

SANTA
I THINK I'M SURE

TINKLE
I THINK HE'S SURE

BELLE
YOU'RE REALLY SURE?

SANTA
I'M REALLY SURE

TINKLE
HE'S REALLY SURE

BELLE and TINKLE and SANTA
SO WE'LL TAKE THE SECOND SLEIGH!
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